woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
