Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So many bounce houses so little time
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
