I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
