but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
