They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
