dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
