I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
