Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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