I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
