You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize