I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
