You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
