He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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