So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
