never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
