if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
