What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have already put on my inside pants.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.â€
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