he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
