The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
