A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she was so not down for the gang bang
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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