Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
