Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
