i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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