I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize