I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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