I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize