areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sorry about my life...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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