If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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