His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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