i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
