Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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