Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I touched a dick in church today
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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