I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I touched a dick in church today
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
