I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
