Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
