ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
