I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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