i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
