Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
