My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize