We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize