Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize