Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
