You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
