mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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