I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
They have beer where we have blood.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
