I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
party gras won. party gras always wins.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
