Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
