o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
