the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
