My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
