just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
