did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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