I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
