I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
