Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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