so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
