okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
