Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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