So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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