WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
