Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
