The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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