in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
