Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
