he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
