sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
