I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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