I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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