A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
