i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Someone came in the potted fern
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
