Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
no, he came in my armpit
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
