Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
