Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
