What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
