When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
