I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
