I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm passing your future prison.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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