i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
