if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My cat gives me a boner
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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